If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
