Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
