so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
