He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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