He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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