U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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