So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
