i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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