I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
