It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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