you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You smell like stripper and shame
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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