I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
