after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
