yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
