I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
