She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
