Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
