ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
