I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
