remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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