So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Come on in and take your pants off
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