The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
