sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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