In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
