i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
