Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
