dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
