we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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