And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How's work?
Spinning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
