Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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