at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
