Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My penis needs a shock collar
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
