My hand turned me down
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
