before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
