I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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