i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
