remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
