sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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