no, he came in my armpit
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
