So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
