I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
