I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
