i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
