I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drake has all the answers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
