Me too!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
