It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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