That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
