Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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