i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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