Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
