how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
