It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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