garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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