Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
