even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
