Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
