Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
